It was not an easy morning. At 8 am on 2 hours sleep, we were marshalled awake by David. We had booked in an ancient Mayan healing therapy on the lagoon for this morning. My head was pounding, and my sinuses blocked – which would come back to haunt me later. We dragged ourselves into a taxi, and to a remote part of the lagoon, where we were invited into the home of a friendly woman called Amalia. She was to guide us through our cacao ceremony, before we also had a Mayan water ritual.
We drank the cacao drink, sat atop cushions on a secluded jetty at the rear of Amalias home. After we drank the medicine, we were guided through a mediation type ritual and then a focus on rhythmic breathing. It’s hard to describe my perspective during this ceremony, to what extent it was influenced by the ceremony or the events of the trip, or what extent it was an articulation of ideas I formed or had read, but I’ll do my best.
During the meditation, I felt detached from reality and able to view it for what it was, rather than what I wanted it to be. Things just are, regardless of how you feel about it. It’s you who divides the world into like and dislike. Others hurting you, and you them was inevitable, and nothing to be angry about. From this perspective, it was easy to forgive others who may have wronged you, as they just acted from their emotion, their nature, or by accident. On the same train of thought, it’s easy to forgive yourself when you’ve hurt others.
As we moved into the breathing element, my focus shifted to the subject of fear. And how fear in my childhood encouraged me to wall myself off, and not feel free to express myself fully. But at the same time, it is a driving force behind my competence. Fear of failure, of being judged, of causing hurt to others, of being abandoned. All of this is part of why I am where I am. Because it’s been built as counterweight to that fear. But perhaps I have reached a point where such walls are no longer nessecary. I have the capacity to protect and support myself and others. And in letting those walls down, I feel freer to express myself fully, and reconnect with my truer self. The self you were as a child, when you took what was in your heart and made it reality, rather than trying to assimilate into a set of rules and conventions, designed by people who are nothing but lost children. Your world is your playground, and you are the king.
After the cacao ceremony, we all sat up, had a cry and shared our experiences with each other and our guide. David and Henry went for their water ritual, and I sat chatting with Amelia. She spoke of how she went into the jungle for 6 months, to discover the wisdom of the ancients. She uprooted her comfortable life in the US, left her partner and job, and moved to Central America to become a guide to the seeking. It provided food for thought as to how I integrated the whole experience, how much of what I was experiencing was the magic of the lagoon, the reprieve from the corporate rat race, the effects of the cacao, and how do you transport lessons from this type of experience into a life that I barely even remembered after 7 days away from it.
As I was paddle boarded across for my water ritual, my new guide, a heavily tattooed , ear plugged Mayan looking guy, explained the process to me. He put a plug over my nose, and told me to relax, close my eyes, breathe and trust him. I could not tell you how long I was in the water, as he pulled and pushed my limbs, contorting my whole body, submerging and surfacing and intervals I could not predict. But what I can say is that the complete surrender I experienced in that moment took me to a mode of consciousness with no thought at all. Just sensation with no monologue or description. The ritual is designed to simulate a perfect birth, addressing any latent trauma you may carry from complications during your birth. I felt taken back to my earliest self, and as he dragged me through the last part, he covered and uncovered my closed eyes, and I felt like the light that shone through was the first I had ever seen. It was one of the most powerful and profound moments i have ever experienced.
We spoke for a bit and he talked me though the history of the ritual, the emotion you feel leading the ceremony as well as being led, while we worked on our respective English and Spanish skills. I was pensive about how we consider life, selfhood and consciousness within he western paradigm, how traditions of ancient people can be vessels for a type of wisdom or information that can’t be written, and troubled by the possibility that we may be every bit ourselves, maybe more, in the womb.
We were out of action for the remainder of the day, treating ourselves to a fine dining experience from one of the head chefs of Pujol (feat on chefs table for those interested). As we sipped margaritas and ate steak, we reflected on the magic of our experience so far, and looked forwards with anticipation for what was to come.
